Monday, January 3, 2011

Man volunteers to become cat food

A gentleman who runs a center for wayward animals has decided the best way to raise awareness of his facility and to possibly raise money is to live for 30 days with two lions in their enclosure.

He plans to eat with them and sleep near them.

I hope everything works out for him.  Nothing can go wrong here, right?

He's just going to be unconscious next to two apex predators, and try to eat the same food they do for a month.  Of course, he fails to recognize the fact that he himself is made of meat.  But come on, he knows these animals.  They'd never decide that he might make a good appetizer or late night snack.  He's never seen the Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom film of lions pimp slapping each other over a zebra carcass, has he?

Good luck.  For the sake of the lions, I hope nothing happens.  I'd hate for an animal to be destroyed because some jackass decided to forget that they're not German Shepherds with a weird haircut and got himself eaten.

That's why I can never understand people who have animals that are normally wild predators as pets.  They are trying to impose a standard of conduct we place on animals that are a product of thousands of generations of breeding towards suitability for being a pet on animals that are maybe two generations away from "Nature, red of tooth and claw".

Yes, that wolf or coyote cub you found out in the wild makes a wonderful lap dog, until it realizes that it doesn't have 10,000 years of selective breeding for docility and subservience and decides your neighbor's kid tastes like chicken. 

I'm really impressed by the folks who put a lion or Bengal tiger on a leash and take them for walks.  Nothing says Mal Hombre like a guy whose pet considers him an emergency food supply that can't run very fast and doesn't have sharp teeth or claws.

Don't even get me started on the guy who has the 12 foot python in the bathtub and feeds them whole rabbits in an effort to keep Fluffy from dining on his wife's Labradoodle. 

Look people, your pet is for companionship, labor, or burglar alarm.  You want a canine that impresses me?  Get one that will take itself outside and not snore while sleeping in the middle of my living room.  Think a big cat will improve my opinion of you?  How about you figure out how to make a housecat fetch?  And the snake guy?  Just have a couple of hits of NyQuil and climb in the cage with Scaly the WonderBoa.  Consider it a present to me. 


Shannon said...


Old NFO said...

I'm betting he WILL become cat food before it's over... Just like the idiot in AK, who also got his girlfriend killed...

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