Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Suggestions for PETA

PETA, in its infinite wisdom and instinctual need for publicity, is suggesting that Puxatawny Phil, the groundhog that has his own holiday, should be replaced by a robot.  Apparently, the attention, lights, and crowds aren't good for a rodent that lives better than about 3/4 of the humans on the planet.

Since they're trying to save animals in the public spotlight, here are a few suggestions:

  1. The Budweiser Clydesdales - these majestic draft horses are being used to sell a mild metabolic poison, and are known mostly from their Superbowl commercials, a game played with, shockingly, a pigskin.  These magnificent animals should be let loose to roam free in the grasslands, and the beer should be carried around in the back of Toyota Prius's (or is that Priui?).
  2. The Presidential Thanksgiving Turkeys - These poor fowl are raised for food, but at the last minute, just as they are preparing for execution, they are paraded in front of cameras and given a reprieve.  Imagine the stress of being ready for death, and then being given a pardon in front of the news media.  These unfortunate poultry are then taken to California to have a grand parade, and then spend the rest of their life in confinement.  Wouldn't it be better if these wonderful cream colored birds were let loose in the wild to live their lives out in freedom?  At least until their lack of camouflage and survival instincts turned them in to coyote chow.  The President should be eating tofurkey for Thanksgiving anyhow.
  3. And finally, we come to the California Cows.  These "happy" bovine are not only exploited in commercials, but are used to sell milk, a product that is ripped from their very udders twice a day!  These cows will be truly happy when they are let loose on the open prairie to mingle with bulls of their own choosing.  There should be a new advertising campaign starring the San Diego Soybeans! Mmmm, soymilk!
So there, you are.  Hope this is helpful to our friends at PETA.

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