What the F'ing F?

I'm pretty open minded.  I recognize that there are different people doing and believing different things all over the world and in my backyard.  I understand that what my values and the laws of my country might find absolutely repugnant might not be that bad in another country or in another culture.  I have my own cultural biases, but I try to mind my own business and stay out of other peoples' affairs.


But what in the name of Chewbacca's hairy nether regions is wrong with lawmakers in Egypt?

Egyptian husbands will soon be legally allowed to have sex with their dead wives - for up to six hours after their death

So let me get this straight.  Your wife dies, you're stricken with grief, and you think it would be a good idea to have a goodbye romp with her cooling corpse?   I've been lucky to never have lost a wife in that manner, but I cannot imagine why a law allowing such a thing would be needed, much less conceived and debated.  I love Irish Woman with all my heart and soul, but in the event that she dies, I cannot imagine wanting to have a quickie with her corpse in the first six hours after her death.


You know, I try to remember that the god of the Muslim is the god of Abraham, Moses, and Jesus.  I really do.  I try to not have hard feelings about the differences in beliefs between us, and emphasize the good in all my fellow hairless apes.  But I think I draw the line at state sanctioned necrophilia.  I don't think that abusing a corpse is a proper expression of grief in any sane worldview.


I'm not a Koranic scholar, but if anyone can point to the sura that makes this OK, I'd appreciate it.  My gut tells me it doesn't exist.

Lamp Post, Rope - Some Assembly Acquired

A male homo sapien* from New Jersey was arrested in Henryville, Indiana, on Wednesday and is going to be charged with burglary.  The facts of the case seem to be that this primate, who isn't from the area and has no connection to Henryville, was cutting out the copper wiring from homes that were destroyed by the tornadoes that hit the area on Friday.  When neighbors confronted him and called the police, he ran off and and hid in the woods.  According to news reports, his excuse was that he was gathering up the copper so that it could be kept away from scavengers.

Please forgive me if I don't buy it.

I'm not advocating extra-judicial lynchings of looters, but I wouldn't shed a tear if someone who is looting is turned into the police in less than showroom condition.

I make a judgement call when it comes to people who take things from rubble.  If you're taking the necessities of life, such as food, medicine, water, or clothing, so that you or others can live, that's not looting to me.  Maybe it can be taken too far, and sometimes it can be outright thievery if you're taking things that you can tell belong to and are being used by others, but if you're going into the ruins to find a loaf of bread for your kids, I won't condemn you.

Looters on the other hand, I have no sympathy for.  Those who take advantage of bad situations to personally profit by stealing non-essentials like painkillers, recyclable metals, money, or high-dollar items should be given a quick trial and a quicker punishment.  Maybe we're beyond the use of lampposts and hemp to correct the issue, but I would see nothing wrong with someone who's been caught stealing copper from the ruins of someone's home being chained with similar pieces of human garbage and forced to work off their debt to society clearing out the stuff the tornado left behind.

In the event that this scum is found guilty, I hope he's sent to the worst prison that Indiana has for as long as the law provides.  In the meantime, I hope that the fact that the people of Indiana and Kentucky won't stand for this nonsense gets through to others who might have the same idea.

*I refuse to call this bad example of our shared gene pool a man.

Huh?

The White House today re-affirmed its support for Vice-President Agnew's assertion that the "Viet Cong are not our enemies per se".  Even though most attacks against American forces in the Republic of Vietnam are carried out by the VC, administration spokesmen assert that the United States got involved in South Vietnam because of an attack against American vessels in the Gulf of Tonkin, not to fight the Viet Cong or to protect the Saigon government against them.

Agnew further asserted that the United States is working towards two goals in South Vietnam:  First, to root out international communists who can damage American interests in the region, and to help the government in Saigon become strong enough to either negotiate with or defeat the Viet Cong on their own terms.

Newspapers are reporting that the United States is trying to conclude a set of secret negotiations with Viet Cong leadership, with the aim of being able to leave South Vietnam by the target date of 1973.  American negotiators are reportedly offering to release VC prisoners for a promise to renounce violence and refrain from Communist agitation, both in Vietnam and in other countries in Southeast Asia.

Headdesk

A photograph of Air Force personnel posed around a coffin, which contains an airman pretending to be dead, has been circulating around the Internet and is being investigated by the Air Force.

This year's winner in the "Bad Idea" Category

Now, I've got a pretty dark sense of humor.  OK, I've got a sense of humor that's been called "sick and twisted" by those who are qualified to make that assessment.  But even I know that this is pretty poor taste.  And if they didn't think that whatever dolt got hold of it wouldn't post it on the Internet, where it would burst into flames and splatter all of them with burning feces, then they're too dumb to work around airplanes.

Say it with me kids:  If you do stupid crap and take pictures or video of it, you will be found out.

This reminds me of a video I saw once of a defoliant spraying plane in Vietnam which had "Only you can prevent forests" painted on the fuselage.  Funny?  Yes, in a dark and twisted sort of way.  Appropriate?  Maybe, maybe not.  Something you want on the national news?  Not on your life.

Let's play a game here kids.  We'll call it "Good idea, bad idea"

• Taking a group picture - Good Idea
• Taking a group picture with a coffin in it - Bad Idea
• Posing in funny  ways in your group picture - Good Idea
• Posing in funny ways around a guy laying with his eyes closed in a coffin - Bad Idea
• Taking a picture, in uniform, of a bunch of people posed around a coffin with a guy pretending to be dead in it - What the !#$!@#!$ is wrong with you?!?!?!?!

Also, this is disrespectful to the troops that have come home feet first in these coffins.  What these airmen and NCO's were thinking, if at all, and what organ they were using to think with, if any, when they came up with this idea and followed through on it is beyond me. 

I hope the Air Force gets to the bottom of this and 'corrects' the individuals involved.  But like the man said, you just can't fix stupid.

How Civilized of Them

The government of Afghanistan, under international scrutiny and pressure, has granted a pardon to a woman who has been in prison for adultery because she was raped by her husband's cousin.  Now she will try to stay alive and raise her daughter without either her family or the family of her attacker murdering her.

Read that again:  She was raped, and she went to jail for the crime of being attacked by a man she wasn't married to.  Now that she's being released from prison, she has to worry about someone slitting her throat or burying her alive or whacking her upside the head with a rock because her continued existence brings shame to her society.

Think that's screwed up?  Then consider that the linked article claims that there are hundreds of such cases being handled by just one office in Afghanistan.

So we have two things going on here:

1. A society where rape is prevalent enough that there are hundreds of women in trouble for getting raped in that one district
2. A society that blames the victim of rape as much as, if not more, than the rapist.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is where Afghanistan is when it comes to human rights after 10 years of American blood, sweat, and treasure.  Remember the "We're invading Afghanistan because someone has to help their poor oppressed women!"?  Yeah, we've changed a lot, haven't we?

You know, in this country, we consider it abnormal if the family of a rape victim exacts revenge on the attacker.  In a lot of the places in which we're wasting our time it's considered abnormal if you don't kill the rape victim and let the attacker and his family pay your family a bit of money for the trouble.  Of course, sometimes they let the rape victim continue to draw breath if she marries the rapist, so I guess there is a third way.  Nothing better for women than being forced to marry the guy who violated her, now is there?

Oh, and by the way, this isn't just something that happens in third world crapholes.  Do a web search for "honor killing" or "honor crime".  It's happening in North America and Europe too.  From what I can see, it's happening for everything from rape to a daughter who looks at the iron age manner in which her family wants her to live and decides to try actually assimilating into the culture in which she lives.  This isn't about Islam, it's about a culture or series of cultures that believe that the victim should be punished for the crime, while the attacker can either pay his way out of it or it's written off as "he couldn't help himself".

I've asked before, and I will probably ask again, but why are we engaging our 21st century society with a dark ages culture?  We aren't going to be able to modify the culture in Afghanistan or any of the other pits we're fighting in enough that a woman can go to the authorities, be they the police or her family elders, and not worry about waking up with her throat slit for her efforts.  All we're doing is making ourselves a party to these horrors by propping up the governments and cultures that commit them.

Denial is Not a River in Egypt

A church in eastern Kentucky has voted to not allow interracial couples to join the church or take part in its services.  They will, however, let them come to church for worship, which is might Christian of them.  The vote was 9 to 6, with most people in the congregation refusing to take part.  The author of the resolution claims that he's not a racist.

Sparky, I think you need to get yourself a dictionary.  "Racist" tends to set somewhere between "Racecar" and "Recollect".  I'd say that the act of not allowing a couple to become a part of your group based on the amount of melanin one of them carries around is pretty much textbook racism.

The "I'm not a racist, but I wouldn't want my daughter to date an X" comment is probably one of the few types of overt racism I still hear.  To be honest, people who make that kind of comment find themselves out of my life and that of my family pretty quickly. 

I'm an overly protective father, to both my boys and my girls.  But I will find much better reasons to challenge those who want to date and/or marry my children than their skin color.  I'm going to judge potential boyfriends and girlfriends based on the content of their character, not the color of their skin.  If a young man treats my daughter well, doesn't act like trash, and holds down a good job, it won't matter to me where his ancestors came from. 

Now, if you have a problem with other races, or maybe an interracial couple makes you feel all squishy inside, I'm not going to waste my breath trying to convince you that you're wrong.  I'll do that by setting a good example.  But this church needs to remember this:  Christ didn't come to save just the people who fit the mold.  His church and the salvation He offers is for everyone.  I'm not the most observant Christian around, but I'm pretty sure that excluding someone because you don't approve of the person they love flies in the face of that offer.

I hope this church comes to its senses, is honest with itself about what a bad thing it is that they are doing, and reverses this decision.   The Lord's table is no place for telling your brothers and sisters that they are not welcome.

Another One?

Syracuse University has fired an assistant basketball coach after a third person has come forward claiming to have been sexually assaulted by him as a child.  After the first two accusations, the university placed Bernie Fine on administrative leave, and I guess the magic number with Syracuse was "3".

Now, these accusations are still under investigation, so nothing is known for sure.  But I have to ask this:  Is collegiate sports going to be the next place we find a subculture of pedophiles?  After what appears to have happened at Penn State, this latest set of allegations has me asking whether or not the process for vetting coaches and staff at college sports programs is thorough enough.  Assuming that most universities have programs that bring young people into the sports programs in some way, what are the policies and practices of the NCAA to ensure that the adults who have access to these children are vetted and monitored?  If there aren't adequate policies, they need to be drafted.  If there are, then they need to be more rigorously applied.

The NCAA needs to go through these programs with a fine toothed comb, and get rid of coaches and staff who are placing children in danger.  Failure to do this risks the spread of such atrocities and the loss of a reputation for trust and ethics the NCAA tries to espouse and preserve.

Mister Smith Goes To Jail

A man was arrested at Boston's Logan Airport after passengers on his flight reported that he was looking at child pornography while seated on the airplane.  No comment from the alleged hairball on the matter as yet.

I used to fly quite a bit, and I was 'lucky' enough to do it as things like laptops and such were coming into the mainstream.  It is amazing what people will watch or listen to on an airplane.  There's nothing like being seated next to the guy who watches X-rated videos from Frankfurt to Dulles.  That had nothing on the flight with the screaming baby, let me tell you.   Then there's the gangsta rap fan who listened to the latest version of "cuss and swear with a rhythm and talk about women as if they were disposable napkins" on his laptop speakers during a flight between Austin and Phoenix.   I feel embarrassed if someone can hear my music coming through my headset, and these people are watching porn, playing lude music, and sometimes a lot worse where everyone else can get an eyeful.

Usually being a big guy with a bad haircut worked in my favor.  Most of the time a polite "Can you knock that off before I knock it off for you?" stopped the bad behavior.   Yes, my people skills are legendary.

This dimwit alleged pedophile decided to indulge his sick kink while in the first class cabin of a trans-continental flight.  Imagine what it's like at his house.   Hopefully he's already been identified by the family as Uncle Badtouch and no-one goes over to his place for Thanksgiving.

Let's hope the wheels of justice to a good job grinding him into sausage.

Being Fair to Someone I Disagree With

A constitutional law professor at Suffolk University Law School in Massachusetts has drawn fire for expressing his views that it is "shameful" for the university to promote sending CARE packages to deployed soldiers.

"I think it is shameful that it is perceived as legitimate to solicit in an academic institution for support for men and women who have gone overseas to kill other human beings,"

Fair enough.  A citizen has the right to hold any opinion or conviction he or she wants to, no matter how misguided or despicable.  Honestly, if the good professor truly believes that young American men and women join the military so that they can go over seas and kill people, well, I guess he can believe what he wants to believe.  And if he doesn't want to contribute to the CARE package drive, or even wants to discourage others from participating, that's also his right.  Far be it from me to force anyone to do anything against their convictions.


Just out of curiosity, I looked up Professor Avery's profile at the university website.  When someone has such a low opinion about me and those like me, I try to understand how they came to that opinion.  Who knows, maybe he's a combat vet who has seen too much horror and has swung way to the other side of the spectrum, or maybe he's been the victim of brutality at the hands of some third world dictator, either of which would explain his opinion that military servicemembers are nothing but cold-blooded killers looking for a world tour of mayhem.


No, nothing here about military service, or working with the military.   Don't see anything in his bio about being roughed up by Third World thugs either. 


Wow, he's had quite a few jobs, but I suppose that would make him a well-rounded attorney and constitutional law professor.  You know, I think President Obama was a professor in constitutional law.  Wow, small world.  Lots of work for the ACLU, but I've held jobs I'm not proud of too, so who am I to cast aspersions on how this man earns his living?  A man's got to eat, you know.


Has a few books listed here, and quite a few articles of his got published too.  Well, I've heard the term publish or perish, so maybe that's it.  Seems to fall a bit left of center in his titles, but then again, it takes all kinds.


Hmmm, educated at Yale.  Not too shabby.  Lots of good people come out of the Ivy League.  You know, like President Kennedy and both Presidents Bush.  You remember those guys, don't you professor?  Those were Ivy Leaguers who volunteered to join the military because they felt it was a good thing to do for their country.  


Did undergrad work at Moscow State University in 1968 and 1969.  Wow, this guys old enough to be my father.  You know, I've always thought that part of Idaho was beautiful.  Can't begrudge him going to college there.


What?  Not Idaho?  What's that?  U.S.S.R?


You're kidding, right?  No?


So let me get this straight:  This jack-n-ape did his undergrad education at Moscow State University in the U.S.S.R. at the height of the Vietnam War, then came back and attended one of the finest and most sought after law schools in the world.  He's held a succession of jobs through the years, including working as a counsel for an organization that believes in protecting civil liberties, just not all of the civil liberties.  He was strolling down the Arbat making googly eyes at all the pretty Comsomol Ladies Auxiliary candidates while my father was manning a 105mm howitzer at a firebase in Vietnam and he wants people to not send our troops overseas baby wipes and paperback novels because he thinks they're nothing more than hired killers?


I've got some news for you professor.  While you were enjoying cheap vodka and all the Communist literature you could carry, your hosts were slaughtering innocent Czech civilians for no other reason than the fact that they were 23 years ahead of the Soviet Union in figuring out that Communism was a load of crap.  I'm not going to attack your stance on CARE packages too much.  Honestly, if I was deployed, I wouldn't ask you to piss in my mouth if my teeth were on fire.  


But someone who fits the textbook definition of "useful idiot" ought to spend a little less time spouting the pseudo-pacifist dreck that was fed to the American left during the Vietnam era and more time doing a little introspection on whether or not everything he believes about people's motivation to serve their country was absolute bullcrap thought up during an alcoholic haze in a dorm room a couple of miles from Red Square.

Dear City Planners

Does the way you have laid out your roads in Louisville make any sense to you?  Do you just randomly put in roads and their layouts, or do you do it with a sinister grin?  There are scores of things in the layout of this little burg that make me want to tear my hair out.

Today's example:

Irish Woman and I were trying to take Boo to an educational evaluation this morning.  We looked at the address given, and decided to give ourselves an hour to get there, which should have given us a 10 to 15 minute cushion.  Somewhere along the way, our cars got separated, but hey, no problem, I know where the street is, and I'll just go down the street to the school indicated on the appointment.  I got off the freeway, made two right turns, drove for a moment, then took a left turn onto the road in question.  So far, so good.

After driving around suburban Louisville for 30 minutes, having not one, but two arguments with my wife over the cell phone, three turn-arounds, and one stress headache later, I realized that I was no longer on the road in question.  I had driven in a straight line, but somewhere along the way, the road had changed names.  It hadn't stopped, it just changed its title.  Looking at a map after pulling over, I found that the road changes names at an intersection with another major road, moves over two blocks, and starts again.  It's not a T stop, it's two four-way stops.

We found the place, and had a good appointment, but not before I realized that I had gotten pissed off at my wife for something someone probably did before she was born.

Basically, I got lost because I assumed that roads a) keep their names consistently and b) don't just up and move two blocks to the west.

I am going to have to do a lot of groveling with Irish Woman over the way I acted while trying to find an address that's not connected with the rest of the road it's on, and I probably deserve a couple of nights on the couch.

But I will be sending the bill for the roses to the city planning department.  I expect payment promptly.

Sincerely,

Daddy J. Bear
Pissed Off Taxpayer

Another Train to Nowhere

Recently, I took issue with the tripling of cost and multi-decade timeline for a fast rail project to connect the big cities in California.  I was aghast at the cost overruns before the first shovel of dirt had been dug.

Now I find that San Francisco, also known as Pyongyang on the Bay, has a much smaller project that costs more per yard than anything I've ever heard of. But I promise to discuss it rationally and calmly.

San Francisco is trying to dig a two mile subway tunnel.  The citizenry of San Fransisco approved the project in 2003, with an expected price tag of about $650 million.  That's right, they expected it to cost over $300 million a mile to put in a new subway line.

Deep breath.  Remember, rational and calm

But now in 2011, eight years later, they've finally started digging, and they hope to start tunneling next year and be done by 2018 with an expected price tag of $1.6 billion.

Deep breath. Come on, DaddyBear, you can do this.

Most of that money is expected to come from the federal government, or as I like to call it, my taxes.

Deep breath.

OK, forget rational and calm.  Are you freaking kidding me?  These bluntskulls want to put a two mile subway tunnel into a city known for shaking itself to the ground and setting itself on fire, at a cost of billions of dollars and over a decade of time?  And you want me and the rest of the people in the country who pay taxes to foot the bill?  Have you all lost your ever loving, patchouli smelling, Prius driving minds?

Did something happen to the water in California over the past few decades?  Did they start using lead pipes to bring in water the way that Rome did, and this is the pathetic result?  Is this what you get when all the hippies at Haight-Ashbury take too much bad acid and then procreate?

You know, someday I hope to wake up and find that all the stupid people have pulled a lemming and walked into the surf all at once.  But it's a forlorn hope.  The stupid people wouldn't want to see me that happy.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!

Two twelve year old boys in New York have been arrested after they allegedly pushed a shopping cart off of a building, which struck a mother in the head and put her into a coma.  Reports are that the two miscreants were joking and laughing as they were led away.

I thought there was little left in the world that would shock me, but yet again, I was wrong.

Look, I've played pranks in my day.  The culmination was probably the night two friends and I tied a rope around a mannequin and hung it from a highway overpass somewhere in the wilds of North Dakota.  If I recall correctly, that one required a county sheriff to pull off the road and investigate.  No-one got hurt, and other than a police officer who had to get out of his warm cruiser on a crisp late October evening, no-one was inconvenienced.

Here we have these two twits who think it's cool to push shopping carts off the side of buildings onto crowded sidewalks.  Since they're only 12, I assume they'll be tried as juveniles, which means at best they'll get a slap on the backside and told to not do it again.  Their parents will go on the nightly news and cry about how their kids were just confused and out for a bit of fun, and how sorry they really were.  When shown footage of their sons smiling for the cameras and not looking remorseful at all, the term "your lying eyes" will probably be uttered in some form.

I had a conversation with both Little Bear and Junior when they turned 12 or so, and I'm due to have it with Girlie Bear.  Basically, it summed up how they could get into trouble that I couldn't help them with, and their chances if they were ever arrested.  To put it in a nutshell, if they find themselves in jail, I suggest they get comfortable, because I'm not bailing them out.  It matters little to me whether or not they actually did what they are accused of, or if it was a friend that got them into trouble.  Simply being in a situation that might bring the attention of Officer Friendly is reason enough for them to spend a night in jail.

Junior got through high school without an arrest record, and things are looking good for Little Bear.  Hopefully their sister and little brother follow in their footsteps.

Something has changed in our children, and for the life of me, I can't figure out what it is.  Whatever it is, we, as parents, need to find and eliminate it. 

When seconds count

There's a cliche in the gun rights/personal security community:  "When seconds count, the police are only minutes away". 

For a group of people in Minneapolis, it could have read "the police are only a few feet away". 

A group of friends leave a club, are accosted by a group of 'youths', and a fight starts when the men in the group stand up to protect the ladies.  One of the ladies runs to a police station that is 30 feet away for help, and is rebuffed.  One of the men who got his head beaten upon goes to the same station, and is chased out by the police.  Read that again.  A citizen, bleeding from a beating he received within spitting distance of a police station, goes there to ask for assistance, and is forcefully ejected from the building. 

The excuse from the Minneapolis police seems to be "We were busy that night".  I've been in downtown Minneapolis. The police are always busy there.  I guess this means that there's always something better for the police to do than to stop the savage beating of law-abiding citizens at the hands of a pack of 'youths' within eyesight of the police station.

People, if you're looking for an example of why you should carry a gun when confronted by an anti, here you go.  Three men got jumped on by 10 'youths' and got bloodied.  If one of them or one of the ladies with them had been carrying a pistol that night, the situation would have ended quite differently.  If the animals that attacked them had been just a little more adamant about delivering a curb stomping, someone could have easily gone to the morgue. 


Be responsible for yourself.  Carry your gun. Carry a knife.  Use your tools, your hands, your feet, your teeth, a loose piece of paving, anything to defend yourself.   Make it hard for EMS to tell where your blood starts and your assailant's blood ends. 

The police are under no obligation to protect you.  They are there to draw white lines around your body, take a report, and 'try' to bring criminals to justice.  Even if you could carry around a cop, nothing is going to get him to stop an attack on you and yours unless it's a personal priority for him.  No-one in his chain of command will fault him for not intervening to keep you out of the hospital or the morgue.

H/T to Radley Balko on this one.

Who Lives in a Jail Cell Under the Sea?

A convenience store in Florida was robbed the other day.  While this is probably not an uncommon occurrence, the fact that one of the robbers disguised himself by wearing a Sponge Bob Squarepants costume makes this noteworthy.

No word yet on the real identity of the assailant, although police advise the public to be on the lookout for a short person, with a squarish body form and bright yellow skin, who is wearing only tighty whitey's.  Suspect is believed to associate with big lunks shaped like starfish and squirrels wearing scuba gear.  Authorities also advise us to not approach the suspect, as his ability to annoy can be deadly at close range.

Silliness, or Don't You Have Something Better To Do?

In what has become a common occurrence, police in Georgia shut down a lemonade stand run by three girls who were trying to make money to go to a water park.   The police say they required several licenses to run such an enterprise, and are working with attorneys to find a compromise that allows the girls to sell their wares.

Really, Barney?  Is the crime rate of Midway so low that the local constable has nothing better to do than to harass little girls who are trying to sell lemonade?

Look, they're not looking to put Coca-Cola out of business with the lemonade recipe that Grandma smuggled out of the old country.  I seriously doubt they'll sell more than a few cups of lemonade to their friends before they give up and go do something else.  They're children, it's what they do.  Things like this are what kids are supposed to do.  Run lemonade stands, babysit, mow lawns, wash cars.  They're all ways that younger kids can learn how to make a dollar without begging for it.

This isn't about public safety.  This is about a government functionary knowing the letter of the law chapter and verse and applying it in a way that flexes his authoritah muscle.  It may not be the fault of the poor beat cop who had to hassle the young ladies.  It could very well be some mindless drone at city hall who is sick and tired of young people learning that if you do something that other people like, they may very well pay you for it.  If the bureaucrat who passes out the business licenses saw the lemonade stand, he could very well raise cain and demand the the police put a stop to the nefarious vending of cold lemonade without a license.  Heaven forfend these young ladies learn a rudimentary lesson in how much it costs to make a glass of lemonade and how to figure out a meaningful profit from that.

In the area where Little Bear and Girlie Bear's mother lives, you have to have to pay for a permit to hold a yard sale, and you're only allowed to hold it on certain days of the month.  Now, I can almost see having designated days for such events because of the traffic and parking issues on the city streets.  But to make someone pay the city a fee to allow them to spread their unwanted belongings on the front yard on a Saturday morning is asinine.

What's next?  Is the boy down the street going to need a groundskeepers license in order to mow lawns over the summer?  Is his sister going to have to get a daycare license in order to babysit a few nights a week?  Am I going to need a mechanic's license to change my oil in my driveway?

The government is not our friend in these circumstances.  When an anally retentive jerk decides to apply the rules for large businesses to our children and to our lives, we've gone horribly wrong somewhere.