Sunday, November 14, 2010


Dear TSA,

Congratulations! You have finally found my threshhold of pain!

It's been a few years since you were created as part of our response to September 11. For a 9 year old, you've got quite a track record. After 9/11, you made me stop buying a $5 cup of airport coffee in the ticketing area because you wouldn't let ne through security with it. When some jerkoff lit his Nikes and got the bejeezus beat out of him, you forced me to start taking my shoes off so you could X-ray them. Then when another group of blunt skulls talked about how they maybe sorta could kinda make binary liquid explosives in the shoebox that Boeing thinks I can use as a restroom, you made me leave all of my normal shampoo and mouthwash at home. Since I take several medications a day, you've made me take each and every bottle of pills out so you can make sure they contain what I say they do. When other people tried to travel domestically with a large amount of cash, you've interrogated them for hours because honest people couldn't possibly travel with more than a couple of hundred dollars in cash.

When some dickhead tried to blow up a plane using Semtex brand tighty whities, you decided to start using xray machines on the passengers instead of just the luggage.

And now you've decided that we the cattle are opting out of the backscatter scans too often and have upped the intensity of your alternative pat downs to something approaching sexual assault.

Maybe I have body issues. Maybe I was just raised that nudity in front of strangers is to be kept to a minimum. Or maybe I don't want the unclothed persons of my wife and children to be gazed upon by a stranger.

And now you warn us sheep that if we don't let you bombard our bodies with radiation so you can have a good hard look at our possibly dangerous pudenda, you will glove up and thoroughly search our erogenous zones by hand, regardless of sex or age.

So guess what? My family and I are going to avoid any method of travel that involves the TSA. For us, this will mean that a trip that would require a day to fly will take three or more days to drive. It means we will probably spend slightly more in hotel expenses, but at least the peanuts will be nearly cost free.

It also means I no longer have a need for passenger airlines, passenger terminals, or your organization. When the airlines get in trouble financially, I will aggressively campaign to keep them from getting government support. When the airport wants government funding to add runways or to renovate the terminal, I will fight it tooth and nail. When legislation comes up asking for increased funding for the TSA, I will press my legislators to cut off your funding. Since no-one should be using the airlines, airports, and TSA due to your reactive stance on security, then there's no need to continue funding these activities.

So, please enjoy the reduced work load as I and as many people as I can influence walk away from air travel. I hope you all can find comparable employment in the mall security or similar industries.

Oh, and Happy Holidays! Kisses!

Update - Full Disclosure

I work for a cargo airline.  Doing my job entails working within TSA security regulations.  I do not hope for the failure of the passenger airlines.  I do hope that the TSA and its methods are reformed to provide for actual security, and not intimidation of the very people who are being protected.


Phillip said...

Amen. I think I'll be sending your post to my local representatives.

My wife's family lives in upstate NY. In the past fourteen years we've been married, we've gone from not being able to afford to fly up to not being willing to deal with TSA in order to fly up. If it wasn't so hard to deal with them, we might visit more often by flying up. But I won't go through the TSA crap now because I know how stupidly ineffective and intrusive it is.

dakotas5 said...

Shouldn't that be BACK to mall security. LOL

DaddyBear said...

Most of my family lives in the upper mid-west or out in California. Neither of these destinations is really convenient for ground travel from Kentucky. But it's not worth the hassle, humiliation, and violation of privacy that flying commercially entails now.

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