Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Random Thoughts

These are a bunch of random things that have been rumbling around in what calls itself my mind for a while, but aren't beefy enough for their own post:

On Star Wars

  • George Lucas is a testament to the American Dream.  This is the dream where a street performer takes a priceless, beautiful Picasso, shits on it in the middle of the sidewalk, then draws obscene graffiti in it.  During this entire process a crowd is applauding furiously and showering him with money because the special effects are amazing.
  • No, it's not the end all, be all of science fiction. It's a serialized storyline compressed into six movies of varying quality.  But the three movies that came out when I was in grade school will always have a place on my shelf.  The others don't even get mentioned to the children.
  • Anakin Skywalker started out as an obnoxious, unsupervised kid.  He turned into a whiny pain in the ass teenager who should have had his ass beat by Obi-Wan for his own good.  He then turned into a spoiled fair haired golden boy who porked a Senator, killed off his own order of monks, and destroyed a democracy in the name of emo kids everywhere.  He then turned into the ur-badass, but then bitched out at the end.  Kwai-gon should have neutralized him on Tattooine as soon as he figured out that he was too dangerous to leave untrained but was too old and messed up to train properly.
  • Han shot first, bitches.
On Star Trek

  • Picard negotiated, Kirk impregnated.
  • Geordi and Scotty were either wonderful mechanics who could fix anything in record time, or they sucked so bad as engineers that any combat or unexpected condition caused their overly fragile systems to break in an unexpected manner.  Pick one.
  • Picard was an idiot for letting his senior officers sleep around within the command group.  Just saying.  And if he was going to allow shenanigans to happen, he should have been banging Dr. Crusher like a cheap gong.
Other mind droppings:

  • Indiana Jones is the only fictional character that has ever had actual experience of the existance of a higher power on at least three occasions, (Old Testament Judeo/Christian Yahweh, Hindi Gods,  and Jesus Christ), and still has to go to the South American jungle looking for evidence of aliens.  Let it go guy, you've had enough of the mystery of the universe explained for one lifetime.
  • The people who produced, wrote,  directed, and acted in the "Starship Troopers" series of movies better hope they never die, because Robert Heinlein is waiting for them in the afterlife with a suit of power armor and a vendetta.
  • I saw a young lady last night in Walmart wearing acid wash jeans.  For the love of Jeebus, did I ever think those stupid things looked good?  Did my mother take the brown acid even though she didn't make it to Woodstock?  Children, look at the fashions of the late 80's and early 90's and learn from our mistakes. 
  • Why is it that I feel that the pinnacle of American automotive technology was the 1971 Ford pickup truck?  It might have something to do with the ability of a mechanical moron like me to maintain and fix it without having to call in the MIT CERT team.
Thanks for listening.  I needed to get those out of my head before they spurted out my ears.

4 comments:

Wraith said...

Sometimes, things just need to be said. ;D

And I agree--while many think Picard is the quintessential braniac starship captain, any man who wouldn't take the slightest excuse to bang Dr. Crusher like a cheap gong is either stupid or gay.

Christina LMT said...

How can you be sure he WASN'T banging her? Carefully off-screen, to be sure.

Oh, and I'd like to add that Wesley Crusher was the most annoying little prick ever to exist.

Bryn, North Wales, UK said...

Re. Starship Troopers, I totally agree with you. I awaited it's release with eagerness, paid good money at the cinema, and went home in utter disgust at about the half-way mark... A dumbed down travesty (especially no.3), which completely missed the point of the original book.

Geodkyt said...

Christina --

Favorite scenes never filmed:

"Ensign Crusher, please report to the aft airlock for pressure testing. . . "

WHOOSH!

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