To the nice lady in front of me in line at Sam's Club this afternoon who wrote a check when the line was 8 deep:
I am sincerely and wholly sorry for the mean and awful things I thought about you, your forebears, and your descendants. In addition, I do not wish for your reproductive organs to fall out after being infested with Ugandan Sand Flies.
Please enjoy the rest of your life. Maybe you could try using a debit card once or twice and seeing how you like it? If you want to stay old school, Sam's still takes cash.
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