Anti-News Roundup

The following topics are officially on my list of things I give less than a tinker's damn about:

• The family planning maneuvers of millionaires done in an effort to circumvent the legal system
• The sexual liaisons of a president who died almost a decade before I was born
• The presence of 'celebrities' at a sporting event or lack thereof
•  The dating practices of the sister of the wife of the guy who might be in line to take over a foreign countries symbolic monarchy if his grandmother passes on and his dad doesn't hold onto the throne for a few decades.
• The latest rumors about the next version of everyone's favorite magic elf box

If any of you know a journalist, please pass this on.