Friday, September 30, 2011

Quote of the Day

Maybe your golf buddies are soft, and your union thugs are soft, and your legion of academics that have never held a real job are soft, and the societal leeches that depend on the democrat’s perpetual welfare state are soft, but most Americans are not soft.  -- Larry Correia, commenting on President Obama's assertion that all our problems are due to the fact that we've gone 'soft'.

BTW, Larry seems to be closer to the Mormons I knew when we lived in Utah than Mitt Romney seems to be.  

Eagle Picture

This little fellow is a detail at the bottom of a bronze column on what Irish Woman tells me used to be the main passenger train terminal in Louisville.  The verdigris on him is bright green, but I adjusted the saturation a bit to bring out all of the details on him.  This isn't an integral part of the structure, it's a minor part of decoration that had a lot of time and effort put into it.  You don't see craftsmanship like this on a steel and glass tower.

The Four Rules of IT Security

  1. All systems are always vulnerable.
  2. Never put important information on a system you are not willing to secure and defend.
  3. Keep your users away from powers and abilities that will make your systems less secure.
  4. Be aware of where your information is, how it moves, and who has access to it.

Thoughts on the Day

  • Why are conferences and conventions always held in city centers where the traffic is always a nightmare and parking is always at least 6 blocks away from the event?
  • Security conference demographics: 1/3 juvenile delinquents, 1/3 suits scared out of their minds, and 1/3 scarred up old shaman.
  • Someone needs to tell Steve Jobs that Kevin Mitnick raided his wardrobe and is stretching everything out.
  • On the other hand, Mitnick's presentation showed just how easy it is to own the keys to the kingdom by snowballing a lot of little mistakes.
  • By the end of the day, I was making a shopping list for the ordnance it would take to slag all of our IT assets as a last resort when someone gets inside the wire.
  • Taking out of town visitors to Cunningham's for one of their cheeseburgers or Kentucky Hot Brown sandwiches requires an explanation that you only eat like that once or twice a year, and it goes a long way towards explaining why Louisville has great stroke and cardio-pulmonary disease centers.
  • Hint to vendors at a conference:  When someone stands in front of your booth, wearing an ID badge and polo shirt with the emblem of one of your local customers, it behooves you to at least acknowledge their presence.  It's almost budget time, and your competitors across the way at least talked to me about what their product could do for me.
  • Basically the speeches and presentations today came down to this:  minimize everything so you have less to worry about, prioritize your stuff, and pay attention to details.  Sounds familiar.
  • With the wife and daughter out of the house for the evening, it's really nice to throw a Dad movie in, make a simple dinner, and relax with Boo after a long week.  

Thought for the Day

The only patch for human stupidity is experience.  -- Presenter, 2011 DerbyCon Security Conference

I Don't Know Nothin'

A man in New York has pled guilty to trying to hire someone to kill his ex.  Apparently hiring a friend to do it and make it look like an accident was Plan B.  Plan A was to kill a bear, wear the skin, and use the claws to tear her up.  That way a bear would be blamed for her death, and the man could live out free and happy.


Just how drunk or high do you have to be to think that it's easier to kill and skin a bear so that you have an alibi for the death of your ex-wife than to just pay someone to do it?  I'm not admitting anything here, but there have been times when I at least had the thought.  It never occurred to me to kill and skin an apex predator and use their body to off someone.

I'm glad that he changed his mind, tried to get a friend to kill his ex, and the friend went to the police.  Not only is a scumbag is in jail and the woman wasn't hurt, but an innocent bear isn't dead and the rest of the bears aren't under suspicion.  You all have no idea how much hassle we get every time some bruin is suspected of mauling someone.

Today's Pic

This is of the statue of Thomas Jefferson in front of city hall in Louisville. Louisville is in Jefferson County.

The statue lined up well with the clock tower, and the deep shadow made a good contrast with the tower in full sun.  Again, done with the iPhone and iPhoto.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Quote of the Day

Occam's Razor ... gunwalking was meant to serve a political agenda that (at the outset) was seen as setting the stage for some major pushes, and that required lots of Mexican crime guns to trace to US dealers. And if a few hundred people got killed, that was just the price.  -- David Hardy, Of Arms & The Law, discussing the timeline for Operation Fast and Furious.

Stump Speech

Thank you ladies and gentlemen.  It's good to be here in X, and I appreciate the warm hospitality you all have extended to us.

I'm here today to talk about Candidate X and the social agenda we have as part of our campaign:

It's none of our business.

That's all.

It's none of our business.

Pretty simple, isn't it?

Candidate X and I both recognize that we're just as human and therefore flawed as everyone else.  We have no business telling other adults how they should live their lives.  So long as you're not hurting someone, the following are things we have no business expressing an opinion on:

  • Who you sleep with, so long as they agree to it and they're also an adult
  • Who you marry
  • Whether or not you choose to have children
  • If you practice a religion at all, and if you do, which religion you practice
  • How much money you legally earned
  • What books, magazines, websites, or whatever you enjoy
  • What political views you hold
  • What car you choose to drive
  • How you choose to educate your children
  • What substances you put into your body in order to change your perception of the world around you

There are others, but I think you get the idea.  How you go through life is up to you, based on what you believe is right and is right for you.

Candidate X and I are fiscally conservative, as we have discussed at length.  But socially, we're a 'whatever'.  We're certainly not what comes across as conservative or liberal in this country.  We have our own sets of values and if elected, we will govern based on those values, but we won't try to force those values on the day to day lives of our fellow citizens.

What adults do with their lives doesn't cross into the realm of public opinion or government attention so long as they don't break the law or harm someone else.  What an adult does, so long as they don't harm someone else, is none of our business.

That being said, with rights come responsibilities.  You have the right to sleep with whatever other adult you want to, and we don't care as long as it's a mutually agreed to endeavor.  Force someone into sex or involve a minor, and we will stomp a mudhole in your backside.  We believe that if an adult wishes to drink, smoke, or inject something to get high, that's their right.  But if you neglect or abuse your kids because you're stoned, or you climb behind the wheel and get into a wreck, you will be hung out to dry.

We pledge that if elected, we will start dismantling the parts of the government that want to tell you how to live your life.  But we are also going to dismantle the part of the government that is there to catch you when you fall.  If you exercise a right to live the way you want to live, however self-destructive that way of life may be, you shouldn't expect the rest of society to pick up the pieces for you.

Ladies and gentlemen, for almost three generations, our nation has allowed itself to become more and more infantile in its relationship with government.  We have looked at the government as a parent, and that has to stop.  Social conservatives look for the parent-government to tell people what to do and what not to do.  Social liberals look for the parent-government to provide a safety net to save those who won't save themselves.  That has to stop.  The purpose of government is to provide a commons for decision making and to protect the nation from threats from outside and from within. That's it.

We look forward to working with the people of X to start to turn around the nanny-state and government intrusion into citizens' lives.  We thank you for your time, and we hope that when you go to vote, you remember us.  Thank you.

Louisville Pics

These are the best of the pictures I took of downtown Louisville yesterday.  One thing that the city fathers are doing that I like is to try to keep as many of the old buildings, or at least their facades, as intact as they can. I'm not a big fan of the glass and steel edifice look myself.

 These two were taken from the top floor of the courthouse.  The first one is down towards the Ohio River and the other looks further inland.  Louisville has a good blend of the modern and the turn-of-the-last-century architecture.
This is a memorial to Kentuckians who have received the Medal of Honor.  The Medal of Honor Society is having its annual meet-up here this week.  What I wouldn't give to sit in a corner and drink beer while I listen to those men swap stories.  Behind the statue is the local World War II memorial.

These were all taken using my iPhone 4 using the default camera settings.  They were edited using iPhoto.

Thought for the Day

 Uncle BadTouch provided by the great Robb Allen.

This one is a riff on something Tam posted about the latest example of "Watch Your Neighbors" coming out of Washington:
Where do you draw the line? How far down the slope do you slide before you decide you don't like the view anymore?
Talk about a thorny issue.  On the one hand, we all want to do everything we can to keep bad things from happening, and we all screamed to high heaven on September 12 when all of the little things that weren't noticed or reported that could have at least reduced the risks and damage on 9/11 came to light.  On the other hand, citizens have the right to do things in their life that others might look askance at without risking a visit from the men in the dark blue suits.  The things someone would do to get ready for a terrorist attack are for the most part perfectly legal and innocuous by themselves.   It's when the fertilizer is combined with the diesel and a mind to use them destructively that someone should say something if they see something.

Example:  Lots of my neighbors are shooters and hunters.  I know that at least a few of them reload because I've given them brass.  So that means they have at least some gunpowder on the premises.  To me, that's normal.  But to the government, it's none of their business until one of those neighbors starts packing that gunpowder into packages or pipes and attaches a fuse. 

Example:  I regularly hear shooting, sometimes a lot of it, from the fields around the house.  As long as I don't hear rounds coming over the house, I tend to look up at the first shot and then ignore it.  If I started hearing loud explosions and the distinctive sound of a heavy machine gun, I might go on down the road to see what's going on.  Hey, who doesn't like explosions and machine guns?  But unless I see something that's actually illegal, I'm not calling the cops.

Example:  A group of people who get together to practice shooting silhouette targets that are placed around realistic office or home settings may be getting ready for a terrorist attack or a robbery.  Or maybe they're shooting IDPA.  Who's to say?

Example:  A young woman leaves behind a backpack on a bus, and someone notices it after she's a couple of blocks behind.  Is it a terrorist leaving behind a bomb or is it a young mother who forgot her diaper bag?

I guess my take on it is this:  I wouldn't want my neighbors, co-workers, or some yutz on the subway running to DHS if they spy me carrying my gun, reading a 'subversive' book, or heck, talking to a friend about how much we don't like the current government.  So I mind my own business, try to not annoy the neighbors, and complain to the neighbors when they annoy me. 

What comes of programs like this are incremental steps towards a  true surveillance state.  People in the Soviet Union or Germany both before and after World War II didn't wake up one morning and decide to become snitches all at once.  That frog was boiled very slowly over the space of years.

Reporting by citizens against other citizens for doing nothing more than living their lives the way they want to is a very dangerous thing, and it does nothing to make us safer.  If you see a crime, report it.  If  something seems odd to you, remember it.  Maybe it really was part of a crime, and you might be able to help an investigation.  But don't report someone to the police for seeming odd.  This comes from someone who enjoys people watching, but admits his own oddness enough to recognize it as being part of being human in others.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Thoughts On The Day

  • When a judge gives you an hour for lunch, and 4 of the 45 people in your jury pool decide to not return at all, it makes His Honor a bit testy.
  • It is not a wise thing to come back from lunch smelling like a distillery.  But at least you came back.
  • It is easy to spot the jurors who are normally working on salary and those who are normally under a union contract.  The jurors who work for a set salary are used to staying until the job gets done.  The union people start to get itchy at hour 5, and get downright irate at hour 7 if they believe they will have to stay late.
  • When during the jury selection process the defense counsel plays the race card, you know it's going to be a long day.
  • For some reason I'm not surprised that I've told the defense counsel in two criminal jury selections that one of the local prosecutors and I are acquaintances and that his brother is godfather to my children and on both occasions I haven't been chosen for the jury.
  • Listening to some of the people who are serving with me reminds me of how lucky I am to have a boss and co-workers who are willing to take up the slack when things like this come up.  I've been at the courthouse for three straight days, and will be spending half of tomorrow there as well.  The clerk tells me that's about par for the course, and I should expect the same thing next week.  The boss and my team seem to be taking it all in stride.
  • Amazingly enough, a lot of lawyers seem to be willing to settle when they hear that the jury pool is on its way up.

Someone Get A Rope

Roman Polanski, child rapist and international fugitive, apologized in a documentary to his victim and said that she was also victimized by the press.  He also recently received yet another award from the global entertainment industry, who should be ashamed of themselves.

This jerkoff seems to believe that since the press reported that he sexually assaulted a pubescent girl, then they share the blame for the harm he caused.

If there was justice in this world, he would have been tied naked to a tree, horse whipped, covered in honey, and left to the ants and bears with the word "RAPIST" burnt into his forehead.  Yes, I do believe in punishments that are both cruel and unusual under the right circumstances.

For over three decades, he's been the darling of Hollywood.  Rather than shunning him, they've showered him with praise and awards for every cineturd that he cranks out.  They also defend him:

Ms. Goldberg, it was rape.  A sober 13 year old girl cannot give consent to sex with an adult male.  A 13 year old girl who has been given drugs and alcohol cannot give consent to sex with an adult male.  A 13 year old girl who has been given drugs and alcohol and still protests against sexual advances cannot give consent to an adult male.  An adult male that has sex with a 13 year old girl who has been given alcohol and drugs and protests against sexual advances is raping her.

This pedophile bastard should have been sent to a maximum security prison for enough years that he would forget what life without concertina wire looked like.  Instead, he's lived a life of luxury in Europe for over three decades.  And every moment since he ran from justice, Hollywood has defended him and belittled anyone with enough decency to denounce him.

As the father of a 13 year old girl, I sincerely hope that he dies slowly, messily, and painfully, starting with his reproductive organs.  I hope that any medical treatment he receives does nothing but prolong the suffering.  Maybe then I will start to believe in justice on this side of the grave.

New Life Goal

I'm 40, and it's time my life had a goal. When I was 10, I wanted to be a lawyer.  When I was 20, I wanted to be the youngest Command Sergeant Major in history.  When I was 30, I wanted to take a nap.

I have about 20 to 30 years to knock this one out, so there's no need to rush out and start knocking it out.  But I will do everything I can to do this one step at a time

I want to shoot every weapon that John Moses Browning ever designed and that went into mass production, preferably in the original caliber.  If it's legal to own without an additional tax stamp, I want to own it.

According to Wikipedia, this is the list of guns that Browning designed that went into production:

I highlighted the ones I've already pulled a trigger on.  I've got a good start, but still have a long way to go.  Some of these won't be too difficult, some will be hard as heck, and this isn't going to be an inexpensive endeavor, but I've got a little less than half a lifetime to do it.

Excedrin Headache #238,201

Ladies and Gentlemen, when reaching into the trunk of your significant other's automobile to retrieve something, make sure someone else is not trying to close said trunk.

Girlie Bear caught me about a quarter of an inch into my hairline from the forehead with the corner of the trunk lid.  And I thought I had a headache before they came home.

It didn't break the skin, so I won't even get a cool scar out of it.  Just a bit of a lump and a bit of pride for not cussing a blue streak afterwards.

Thank God for thick skulls.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Hey Fox News, welcome to Facebook, two months ago!

America's ever-growing debt crisis is in the trillions -- more than $14 trillion, give or take a few billion.
That's a lot of zeros, numbers so large they're sure to make Americans numb when trying to get their arms around what it means to them.
But what would the federal debt crisis look like if you set it up as a household budget?
Is it just me, or does Fox seem to be doing a lot of news stories that are rehashed blog posts lately? I've seen this in my feed on Facebook too many times to count since the last budget 'crisis'.

At least it's getting to something like the mainstream media that a family that spent money like the federal government does would be homeless in less than a month.

News Round-Up

  • From the "Yellow Submarine, Orange Crocodile" Department - A crocodile in Australia names "Snappy" has turned orange after eating the water filter in his enclosure.  Reptile scientists believe that the filter itself wasn't what caused the technicolor treatment, but rather it was tannins or other substances in the water.  So we have an organically orange dyed crocodile.  Next, I'd like to see a tie-dyed komodo dragon for when you really need to wonder if something got put in your Coke.
  • From the "Big Iron" Department - Oracle Corporation, picking a little flesh from the carcass of SUN Microsystems, announced a new high-end server and cluster configuration based on a new SPARC chipset.  For you non-geeks out there, this would be like GM announcing the 2012 Hummer after everyone else in the world has abandoned humongous SUV's.  Oracle appears to want to appeal to the enterprise with too much money to burn.  Commodity x86 based servers are eating away at the market for database and application servers at the expense of large servers from HP and IBM. With clustering software that allows high-performance work to be spread across multiple cheap systems instead of one expensive box, I don't see this going too far.  SUN and DEC went out of business because the same result could be had for less, and HP is pretty much abandoning the HPUX on Itanium market, so unless Larry Ellison knows something I don't, I don't see much coming out of this product line.  This is a case of the expensive 'superb' competing with the cheap 'good enough'.
  • From the "On Belay!" Department - Engineers from the National Park Service will be rappelling down the side of the Washington Monument to look for damage caused by the earthquake that shook the East Coast earlier this year.  I wish them luck and a safe time of it.  I will personally buy a beer to the first man or woman who does down the side of the Washington Monument Australian-style.  I'll buy two if they wear a helmet cam.  I'll buy them a case if BRM posts about it alongside his wing-suit series.
  • From the "Common Sense Not So Common" Department - A colonial-era re-enactor was arrested and held for 24 hours in a Washington D.C. jail because he had his 18th century flintlock rifles in his truck when he was pulled over by the police.  After being kept in jail for 24 hours, he was released without charges, and his property was returned to him.  There's also the possibility that he was pulled over and searched because he and his vehicle fit a "profile".  Must have been that  "Balding white guy in an SUV with a wife and kids" terrorist demographic we've all grown to fear.  I'm sure that a middle-aged man with a single-shot, muzzle-loading, black powder rifle is a threat to the security of the president.   So much for FOPA.  This is one of the reasons I'm considering a Ford for my next vehicle.  They have a keypad on the door in some models, so you don't have to have the key to unlock the door.  Get out of the car, lock the door, toss the key in, close the door, and tell Officer Fife to get a warrant.

Today's Earworm

No linked-to YouTube video today.

It's the beginning of deer season here in Kentucky.  Over the next few months, there will be hunting with bows, muzzleloaders, and modern rifles.  I'm starting to get the itch, and I need to get to the range to doublecheck zero on my guns.

So here's a little chest-beating to go with your morning.  Hopefully it doesn't jinx me into eating "deer tag soup" in February once the season closes.

"I Like Big Bucks!"

I like big bucks and I will not lie!
You other hunters can't deny!
When a buck walks by
With a great big rack
You get a chill right down your back!

To let him walk would be really tough
'Cause you wanna get that mother stuffed.
I'm ready and I'm aiming
Buck fever I'm also taming!

Oh deer, I wanna get with ya
And take a picture.
My buddies tried to warn me
But that rack is so big and oh so horny.
Oh doe with the smooth head
You wanna hang in my shed?
I'll make roasts, steaks, and jerky
'Cause venison's better than turkey.

I've seen them prancin'
And bucks thinkin' 'bout romancin'.
It's fall and it's rut!
We got deer sniffing each other's butt!
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' venison ain't the thing.
Take the average redneck and he'll attest
that venison is the best.

So hunters! (Yeah) Hunters! (Yeah)
Does your wall have a great rack?
(Hell yeah!)
So take it down, show it off!
Big antlers for the win!
Bambi got rack!

Bambi. Got. Rack.
Bambi stew and terriyaki jerky!
Bambi. Got. Rack.

I like 'em pointy and big
And much thicker than a twig.
So I'm wearing doe scent and dressing in camo
And carrying my favorite ammo.

I wanna get you home
and (ugh) hang you up! (ugh ugh)!
I ain't talking 'bout Field and Stream.
Hunts like that are just a dream.
I want deer real big and juicy,
So I hunt juicy doe.
Little bucks I just let them go.
DaddyBear's comin' back for mo'!

So I'm lookin' at hunting videos.
Big racked bucks sniffing at does.
You can keep the button buck.
I'll put a big racked buck in my truck.

A word to the big old deer:
You'll never even know I'm here.
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna hunt
At the break of dawn!
DaddyBear got his camo on!

I'm sure PETA won't like this song.
Vegans getting their whine on.
But I'd rather hunt than debate
So I'll stay in the woods til late.
'Cause if it's brown, it's down!
And I'm gonna turn 'em into ground round!

So hunters (Yeah!) Hunters! (Yeah)
You wanna shoot your front stuffer?
(Hell yeah!)
Then load it up! Ram it down!
Even PETA's got to shout
Bambi got rack!

Bambi. Got. Rack.

Yeah, man, when it comes to whitetails, Bass Pro ain't got nothin' on my gun store.
Making jerky out of my backstrap? Only if you take it out of my cold dead hands!

So you hunt deer with a Mosin?
Open sights is what you've chosen?
It don't matter none if you've got deer, son!
You can shoot Remington or Savage
But please don't use a Glock.

Some hunters want that hard role
And fill their tags using a bow
So they pull back and squeeze
And the deer goes to its knees

So I sat in the woods all day
And all that I can say
Is that the squirrels didn't notice me sitting there
And that at least I had a comfy chair.

To the guys who filled their tags,
And took the deer for a drag,
Let's drink a beer, and have some cheer!
Venison is always better than steer!

Some knuckleheads try to dis
'cause big fat does are on my list.
He had a shot but let it walk
Now I'm butchering while we talk.

So ladies, if the rack's real tall
and you want it mounted on your wall,
Call 1-900-DaddyBear
And we'll put it over the easy chair
Bambi got rack!

Got a lot of meat and a great big rack!
Bambi. Got. Rack.

Hee Hee Hee

Recently, I commented on the idiocy of a government provided online petition platform.  I supposed that it would basically turn into an AOL-ish hodge-podge of whatever celebrity cause was important that day.  

Drang, on the other hand, has a wonderful idea:  Use it to voice our displeasure with the administration and urge them to work towards real hope and change.

I don't have a lot of confidence that the current administration, or any other administration for that matter, will listen.  But then again, jamming is a valid method of disrupting communications.  And don't worry about being put on a government list.  We crossed that rubicon long ago.  So have fun with it!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Thoughts on the day

Today was day one of jury duty.  I will be doing it for the next couple of weeks.  Today was orientation, paperwork, and all that.  Here are some things that popped into my head:

  • The deputy sheriffs that work at the courthouse wear their pistols on their strong side and their Tazers on their weak side with the butt of the Tazer facing forward for a cross draw.  Never noticed any of the police on the street carrying them like that, but it makes sense.  If you train to cross draw for less lethal, you're less likely to mistakenly draw your sidearm and shoot someone.
  • Some people confuse a jury duty summons with a license to ask ignorant questions.  Seriously, how many times does the nice lady have to say "No, we don't provide free parking." and "You need to be able to serve every day for the next two weeks." before people figure out that they're going to have to pay to park and that they need to ready to come to the courthouse every day for the next two weeks?
  • The instructions say "Call the hotline after 6 PM every week night to find out if you need to come to the courthouse the next day." That means that when Mickey's big hand is on the 12 and his little hand is on the 6, you can pick up Mr. Telephone and dial in seven numbers.  A nice person will have left a message telling you if you need to come the next morning.  It doesn't mean ask the clerk three times if you have to come tomorrow while the rest of us want to get on with the day.
  • When the form says "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?", if you have ever been convicted of a felony, you mark yes, even if it happened in 1989.  Sorry, those tend to be for life.  To his credit, the man who asked this seemed pissed that he wouldn't be able to be on a jury, which shows that he may have gotten his act together enough that he wants to do some civic duty in the last two decades.
  • To the genius who thought to put a public wi-fi hotspot in the jury waiting area, bless you.  Tomorrow the laptop goes to the courthouse with me.
  • As much as I love a good page turner, taking Hard Magic to read through the boring parts of the day might have been a bad decision.  I read through it in about 3 hours, and then I had nothing to read.  Maybe Larry Correia could write a really long book for people who need something that lasts six to eight hours.  In the meantime, I need to bring something that is less enjoyable to read.  I need to find something in the sweet spot of interesting enough to want to read but not so good that I rip through it.
  • When we were being taken by randomly selected groups to jury selection for several cases, the clerk would read off our juror numbers.  She asked that we say "Here!" or something so that she knew she was sending the right people to the right judges.  After the 10th or so person who didn't say anything and didn't move when called, I could almost hear her think "Pay attention and sound off like you've got a pair!" just like Drill Sergeant Decker used to.  The people who work in the jury office don't get paid enough.
  • Sitting within earshot of the clerk and muttering "This is bull****!" and "When can I go home?" over and over as you wait to be called to a jury pool isn't going to make this any easier on you and is going to make life fun for the clerk if you ever need them to do something for you.

Morning News Summary

Woke up listening to the local morning news.  Here's basically what was discussed:

  • Holy Cow!  Did we get a lot of rain or what?
  • If you're driving to work, be careful.  Road conditions are atrocious, and there are a lot of idiots on the road.
  • The university is delaying classes today because most of its streets are underwater.  Just like it does every time it rains.
  • A local man has been seen building a rather large boat and gathering examples of all the local animals.  County inspectors plan to visit him today if they can get their truck out of the water.
  • Did we mention that it's still raining?  
  • Local high school kids have learned how to dribble a basketball and throw it at a hoop. 
  • We have flash flood warnings for all of the places that usually get flash flood warnings, but we're going to tell you so that you know.   
  • The Secretary of the Treasury is coming to town to discuss the President's proposed jobs bill with people who already have a job.
  • In supposedly related news, one of the local large employers is hiring a good chunk of people.  Here are a few interviews with folks who hope to get some of those jobs.
  • Just to recap before we repeat this in the second half of the hour:  It's been raining hard for about 8 hours, driving to work is taking your life in your own hands, university students have a couple extra hours to sleep it off this morning, something about jobs, and did we mention it's raining?

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Today's Earworm

Girlie Bear has discovered boy bands.  I blame her aunt, who was apparently into them in the 1990's.

News Roundup

  • From the "Blackbird Pie" Department - A magpie in Australia has been relocated to an undisclosed location after attacking a young boy and possibly blinding him.  Relocation?  Is there a magpie relocation program in Australia?  Is the magpie now living in a small grove under an assumed name and species?  Are shotguns that tightly controlled in Oz?
  • From the "Catch a Clue" Department - A man in Florida was arrested for DUI when he drove his car after being warned not to by a police officer.  Dude, when Officer Friendly is telling you that you probably shouldn't be driving, that's a hint and a half right there.  
  • From the "No Kidding?" Department - Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has announced that he will run for president of the Russian Federation next year.  Show of hands:  Who is actually surprised by this?  If Putin is successful, and there is every reason to believe that he will be, then he could be the head man of Russia for another 12 years.  Putin first came to power as the Prime Minister in 1999, so if he does the full 12, he will have been in power for 25 years the next time this question comes up.  Last person to do that long a stretch in charge in Russia was Stalin.  
  • From the "Nothing to See Here" Department - A Saudi Man has been arrested after he tried to check several undeclared weapons on a flight from New York to Riyadh.  This was his checked baggage, so I doubt he was going to try to hijack the aircraft, but then again, a bunch of tazers and a can of mace is a good way to see if airport security would notice pressurized containers, high capacity batteries, and electrical circuits.  I'm probably just being paranoid, but you know what they say about paranoids.

Good Training

I owe a lot to the excellent NCO's who trained me when I was a young soldier.  It's been 22 years since I was an eager recruit and 13 since I signed my discharge papers, but some things still hold true.  Most of them are ingrained habits that come from drills repeated until I dreamed about them.
  • I was watching a documentary yesterday about military technology through the ages, and one of the soldiers was carrying a chemical weapons alarm that went off.  This equipment puts out a high pitched tone that no other thing makes when it's tripped.  When I heard it, I immediately stopped breathing, closed my eyes, and reached to my thigh for my protective mask.  Irish Woman looked at me like I had lobsters growing out of my head.
  • When loading a semi-automatic pistol or rifle, I always lock the slide to the rear, insert the magazine into the weapon, and then release the slide lock.  It never occurs to me to just pull the slide back and let it go after inserting the magazine.
  • When I walk with someone, I almost always walk on their left as a show of respect.
  • I know to stand and show respect not only when I hear the Star Spangled Banner, but also Le Marseilles, God Save the Queen, and Deutchland Uberalles.
  • When driving up to the a vehicle gate in the dark, I still remember to turn off my headlights and drive up with my parking lights on so that I don't blind the gate guard.
  • When shooting my friend's AR-15 at the range, I still do SPORTS without thinking about it when it has a malfunction.
  • I cringe when I see how people on TV and the movies wear uniforms, especially when they're wearing ribbons and decorations.
  • I remember that an ensign is not a lieutenant, and a captain is not a colonel.
  • I still think black jungle boots look silly, especially the ones with the jump boot toe.  And the ones that zip up the side are as wrong as a football bat.
It's amazing what sticks with you, isn't it?


  • To the guy on the Harley who thought it would be a good idea to swerve through traffic on wet pavement tonight:  I'm sorry I had to slam on my brakes so that I didn't turn you into a speed bump, but you gave yourself exactly 6 inches both in front of and behind yourself when you cut me off so you could make it to the right turn lane.  I hope that when you finally get into a real crash and you ride that bike for a few meters on its side, that finger you waved at me is uninjured so you'll have something to guide your motorized chair around with.
  • To the person who stopped by my desk at 10:23 PM on a Saturday night to ask if I was working hard or hardly working:  I hope that all of your children drop out of college to pursue careers in snuff films where I'm sure they'll be glad to see their grandmother more often.
  • To the couple who had a screaming fight at the gas station while I was filling up on the way home:  I really hope that the kids you had in the car use you as a bad example. I would hate for them to think that screaming scatological epithets at each other while getting a tank of gas is normal.
  • To the stoner working the drive through window:  Dude, when I'm buying fast food at 12:05 AM on a Saturday night while wearing business casual attire, I want my soda, my sandwich, and my change.  I do not want to know that it's cold in the restaurant, that your girlfriend is waiting on you at home, and that you get off work in a few hours.  At that hour, I'm not the most social animal, OK?  Cut the chitchat, give me what I need, and let me get on the road.
  • To the construction workers who were doing maintenance on the highway interchange tonight:  Guys, my hat's off to you.  I would have laid money that at least one of the bozo's in front of me using one of y'all as a hood ornament.  It tells me a lot that when I slowed down and got over to give you some room, one of you shouted "Thank You!".
  • To the nice police officer who tailgated me from the highway to my driveway just to make sure I made it home OK:  Thank you so much for making sure I didn't do anything foolish like forget to use my turn signal or speed for the last few miles of my journey home.  I wish you luck as you spend the rest of your evening trolling for real drunk drivers.

Saturday, September 24, 2011


Emperor Obamadus stepped onto the sand of the coliseum.  His faithful guards of the Pressorian Guard parted to make way so that he could step into the ring they had formed around the taxpayers he wished to address.  He looked down his nose at them through the teleprompter that floated before his face.

"Rise, rise", he said to the taxpayers who had been brought almost to their knees for him.  The Taxpayers wearily rose to their full height, the dust of the coliseum running in lines of sweat down their weathered faces.  The Emperor turned to the tall one who still wore his helmet.

"Your fame is well deserved, Norwegian.  My wife insists that you are Ayers reborn.  Or was it Chomsky?  No matter.  Why doesn't the great hero of the people reveal himself and give us his name?" he said half interestedly, studying his nails as the words flowed across the teleprompter.

"My name is Taxpayer", said the Norwegian as he turned his back and started to walk towards the barracks.

"How dare you turn your back on me?", the Emperor whined.  "Slave!  You will remove your mask and tell me your name!"

The Norwegian slowly turned back towards the Emperor.  He took a deep breath, then reached up and slowly pulled his helmet off.  The Emperor took a step back upon seeing his face and the look of utter disdain upon it.

"I am DaddyBearus Scipio Americanus, Guardian of the Republic, veteran of campaigns in Germania and Dalmatia, and loyal servant to the true image of our nation Constitutionus Invictus.  Descendant of true immigrants who worked for a living, father to children who will toil their entire lives to pay for your excesses, husband to a disillusioned wife, and I will have my revenge, in this election or the next." the Norwegian hissed, looking the Emperor in his widening eyes.

The Emperor blanched as his teleprompter cracked.  He quickly turned around and moved to the exit as quickly as he could without breaking into a run.

DaddyBearus nodded to the Pressorian Guards and walked with his fellow Taxpayers back to their place of dwelling.  Now that the Emperor knew that he still lived, the job of throwing him out of office had become both easier and more interesting.

With apologies to Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe.

Thought for the Day

Now that Boo is talking in complete sentences, it's time to teach him some important phrases for life:
  • Nochmal ein Bier, bitte!
  • Uno mas cervesa, por favor!
  • Shall not be infringed!
  • From my cold dead hands! (Already working on this one in relation to his toy cars)
  • Molon Labe!
  • Brown Chicken, Brown Cow!
  • Oh yeah?  Well, so's your mother!
  • Take a bath, hippie!
  • Get off my lawn!
  • Kill a Commie for Mommy!
  • I feel the need, the need for speed!
  • Front Toward Enemy
  • There can be only one!
  • Can't stop the signal
  • Two is one, and one is none
 Yep, that's me:  Always a good influence on impressionable youth!

Friday, September 23, 2011


A while ago, Tam and pretty much every other blogger I read asked what music you would want to listen to as you went out in a blaze of glory before becoming Purina Zombie Chow.  They all had good ideas, but I couldn't think of what I would want to listen to while shooting out my last magazine of copper jacketed lead.

Would it be something inspiring?

Or maybe something from my youth?

I couldn't decide, so I didn't put up a post.  But then I read this from Alan, and I knew the perfect music to listen to while taking as many Zeds with me to hell as I could:

Dinner Tonight

This is a variation on the Jaegerschnitzel I've loved since my grandmother made it for me when I was as little as Boo.  I went with thicker cuts of meat, took away the breading on the pork, and made something of a Southern style peppery cream gravy. It's still got the mushrooms I love, and the pasta makes a good good stand-in for the spaetzle that would normally be served.


4 pork loin chops, between 1/2 and 3/4 inch thick
1 white or yellow onion, chopped fine
1 bell pepper, chopped fine
1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms, whatever variety you like
Olive Oil
Black Pepper and other herbs/spices you like.
Canadian Steak Seasoning
1/4 to 1/3 cup Kentucky Kernel or other seasoned flour (Make your own if you want)

Sprinkle the chops with the steak seasoning on both sides and set aside.  In a large saute pan, heat enough olive oil to coat the bottom.  Add the onions, mushroom, and bell pepper and saute until the onions soften and begin to become transparent. Add the black pepper and other spices to taste.  Add the chops and brown on both sides.  Make a slurry of the flour and 2 cups of the milk.  Take the chops from the pan.  Add the milk/flour slurry and bring to simmer.  Add more milk until a thin gravy forms.  Add the chops and turn until coated.  Lower the heat and and simmer until the gravy thickens to your desired consistency.

Serve over rice or pasta with steamed fresh vegetables.  Goes well with baking powder biscuits or a good bread.

Today's Earworm

Texas - I've always regretted leaving San Angelo and Killeen, and those aren't even the pretty parts.

Thought for the Day II

After reading over the notes from last night's debate, I've decided that I wouldn't hire but one or two of those yahoos to mow my lawn, much less run the country.  And even the ones I'd hire for lawn maintenance wouldn't be left unsupervised.

Thought for the Day

"I said I didn't have much use for one.  Never said I didn't know how to use it." -- Tom Selleck as Matthew Quigley, in "Quigley Down Under"

We all have skills that most people don't know about.  For me, it's cooking and baking.  I find it amusing when people praise Irish Woman for a meal or a treat at a party only to have her point at me with that impish grin of hers.

What skills do y'all have that most people don't know and wouldn't guess?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Oatmeal Cookies with Fruit

Making more goodies for lunches.  This time I thought I'd get away from the horrifically-bad-for-you chocolate chip cookies and make something that at least pretends to have nutrition.


1/2 cup butter, softened
1/4 cup shortening
1 cup packed dark brown sugar or light brown sugar with a tablespoon of molasses
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs
Vanilla, almond extract, or bourbon to taste
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
Cinnamon, cloves, ginger, nutmeg to taste
1 cup white flour
3/4 cup whole wheat flour
2 cups dry oatmeal
1 cup dried fruit (apples, cherries, raisins, cranberries, or whatever you like) chopped up into small 1/4 inch pieces

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Put dried fruit in a microwave safe bowl and add water until the fruit is barely covered.  Microwave for 1 minute then let stand while you put together the rest of the dough.

Cream butter, shortening, and sugars in a mixer at low speed.  Once creamed, add in eggs and vanilla/almond/bourbon.

In another bowl, sift together the flours, baking powder, soda, and spices.  Add to wet mixture and mix thoroughly.  Add oats and mix.

Drain excess water off of fruit, and add to the dough.  Mix just until the fruit is evenly distributed.  Dough will be slightly wet, but not runny.

Spoon 1 inch balls of dough (a heaping tablespoon) on baking stone or lightly greased cookie sheet at least 2 inches apart.  The cookies will spread and flatten during baking.  Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, or until the cookies brown and the edges are crisp.  Let cool on sheet for 2 minutes then transfer to wire rack.

News Roundup

  • From the "Twisting in the Wind" Department - The New York stock market took a nosedive today after the Fed gave a distinctly un-rosy picture of the economy and initiated Operation Twist.  That's a scheme where the Fed changes out short to medium term debt for long term debt.  I'm telling all of my friends to invest in canned goods and shotguns myself.  I'm also buying precious metals:  steel, lead, copper, and brass.
  • From the "Not Raised Right" Department - An older couple in Italy is turning to the courts in an effort to get their 41 year old son to move out.  My strategy for this is to make my childrens' life as boring and miserable as I can when they're 16 and 17 so they'll hightail it out when they turn 18.  Good tools for this include playing my music when I get up at 5 AM and they're trying to sleep, health and welfare searches of their rooms for contraband at the slightest suspicion, and insisting that they do lots and lots of chores.  I'd hire them out to a dairy farm as a barn cleaner if I could find one around here that would take them.  My goal is to have one of them join the military and discover that their drill sergeant is more reasonable than I am.
  • From the "Big Brass Ones" Department - A young lady leading a trail ride with several tourists in Montana saved the life of a young boy when she and her horse squared off against a 700+ pound grizzly bear.   Apparently the bear was chasing a deer when it confused the horse the boy was riding with its prey and ran after it.  The young lady gave chase and used her oversized mount to shield the boy and to face down the bear.  Did I mention that she had neither a gun nor bear spray when she did this?  My only question:  Where do we get more like her?
  • From the "Chutzpah" Department - The Florida teacher who pled guilty to having sex with a 14 year old student in exchange for three years of house arrest and seven years of probation has asked to have her sentence reduced.  Let's see, as a 23 year old teacher, she molested a 14 year old boy, didn't spend a day in prison, got to go on with her life, and now wants even that extremely light sentence reduced because "she's a responsible adult".  Hey, lady, you were supposed to be a responsible adult when you were 23 and schtupping a pubescent boy.  How about you serve out your probation while you say a few prayers of thanks that you happened to have two X chromosomes and were cute so you didn't get sent to prison for 20 years?  Things like this make me wish we'd never gotten rid of dueling.  Put her in a cage with the kid's parents and a couple of trench knives and we'll see some justice.

Note to self

When your loving wife is out of sorts all evening, and you finally find out that she's upset because the grocery store she makes a quick run through to pick things up for dinner has been re-organized and she had to hunt for things, do not, under any circumstances tell her she's being silly.  Even if she is indeed being silly.  Actually, especially if she is being silly.

Also, when you find yourself in a hole for telling her she's being silly, do not invest in a good pick and shovel by shrugging your shoulders and saying "I guess you'll just have to figure it out and change your pattern.".  She's not looking for advice, she's looking for a sympathetic ear.

I really ought to just build my own shun bench for the living room.  Something in a nice walnut would do nicely, I think.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Repost - Has it ever occurred to you

how much marriage is like the Act of Contrition?

What have I done?
What have I failed to do?
In thought, word, and/or deed?

I am wholly sorry, and I humbly repent.

Please stop crying. Please?

Quote of the Day

I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok? - Chuck Z, discussing his recent experience in a hot yoga session.

And now we know why DaddyBear prefers to work out alone and preferably outside and in the dark.  It's cooler, there are no distracting balls of fusion in the sky to make his eyes hurt, and there are fewer people around.

An Open Letter

Dear Jerks,

I'm glad to hear that you have been released from your confinement in Iran.  I'm sure that your family and friends here in the United States will be happy to see your ignorant butts after so many months away. 

Now that you and the young lady that accompanied you on your little nature hike in the mountains of Northern Iraq are safe, I have a few things to say:

You went for a bit of hiking in a war zone next to the border with a country that distinctly dislikes people from our country, and seemed shocked that you ended up in a jail cell.  What in hell were you thinking, and what were you thinking with?  Northern Iraq is safer than the rest of the country, but that's like saying that Hollywood is safer than Compton.  Both are a bit scary for skinny little college kids like you. 

Oh, I see from the news report that you all went to the University of California at Berkeley.  That explains a lot.  Now that I know that, I can see why you would have believed that the world outside of the parts controlled by the United States are a great place to go wandering.

I sincerely hope that the government sends you a bill for all of the time and money spent trying to bribe your way out of whatever hellhole you were being held in.  It is my sincere hope that you spend the rest of your life trying to pay off that quite sizeable debt.  Personally, I would have left your ignorant asses to rot in whatever cesspool they threw you in until you were nothing but a memory as an example to whatever other rich hippie-wannabes that think going to the mid-east for a camping trip is a good idea. 

In the future, when a bit of wanderlust comes over you, and you need to head to the mountains, might I suggest the Appalachian Trail, the Wasatch Front, or the Sierra Nevadas as a destination?  Yeah, you won't  be able to boast that you hiked through the third world, but at least when you do something stupid we can use our own resources to pull your asses out of a crack.

Now is the time to prepare and panic

NASA's wayward satellite is projected to rain fiery death upon the children of Earth this week.  Or not.  Depends.
Overwhelming odds are that this will drop into a big wet blue thing or hit some unused dirt out in the back of someone's beyond.  Of course, it would be entertaining if a big chunk of it landed in Central Park or on the lawn of the White House. 

Here are some tips for the impending rain of space debris:
  • Stay off of the Pacific and Atlantic oceans.  Everyone is saying that's where it will probably land.
  • Lightning sometimes strikes twice.  If you're in Western Australia, look out.
  • Make yourself a good protective garment for your head and stand upright to minimize your exposure and protect that which is exposed. Your headgear should be composed of:
Layer 1 - Tin foil - Self Explanatory
Layer 2 - Ball Cap - Comfort and shade for the eyes
Layer 3 - Kevlar - Self explanatory
Layer 4 - Black Duct Tape or a light fighter Cabbage Patch Hat - Break up your outline
  • No matter how good a center fielder you were, do not attempt to catch bits of satellite as they fall.  Wait for the first bounce.
  • Same goes for you soccer players.  No headers, unless you've done a really good job with your headgear.
  • You will however gain unheard amounts of street cred of you're successful in shooting down satellite pieces as they fall with your skeet gun and get it on film.
  • Satellite pieces may be dangerous, so let them cool completely before gathering them up and reselling them to the local scrap yard.
  • If any of the pieces glow, use them to make designer jewelry.  ThinkGeek would jump on that in a New York minute.
  • If after handling pieces of the satellite you are detained by the government, assume that it's an Andromeda Strain kind of situation and you are doomed.
So there you are!  Good luck, and I'll see you all at the Lord Humongus costume party after all the excitement.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Show some love!

Wing over at On A Wing and A Whim has landed herself a job!

She's having quite a year.  She started it off by returning to Alaska and finishing the work to restore and shake down her airplane, then flew it solo from Alaska to her home in the middle of the continental USA, and now she's back to being a regular taxpayer and supporter of our benevolent welfare state.

Go on over and congratulate a lady who's found herself a job in this economy!

Get Thee Behind Me

I'm still clean and sober coffee wise.  Not a drop since July 4.  It's easy to not drink hot coffee when it's Africa hot out and the humidity is so thick you need a snorkel.

But now it is fall, and the fall brings thoughts of hot coffee on crisp mornings.

Starbucks recently brought back their Pumpkin Spice Latte, aka Liquid Crack in a Cup.  They're expensive, they're full of fat and sugar, and I crave them like a monkey smacking the feeder bar at a cocaine study.

And now another study extolling the anti-oxidant boost of adding my favorite spices to coffee comes out.  So it's good for you if you can get past the whole "caffeinated to the eyeballs" thing.  And the recipe that UPI included in their report is just not fair.

I may have to fall off the wagon for a few months.  I can quit any time I want to anyway.

Mother of the Year

A kindergartener in Missouri really wowed his teacher at show and tell the other day.  When told to bring in something that's important to the family, he brought in his mother's crack pipe and her stash.

Of course, that pipe may be the most important thing in his mom's life, but she probably ought to have kept it out of the kids' reach.

Things like this make me wonder if we deserve to be at the top of the food chain.  Here's hoping the little tyke is an only child.

Have it your way

Palestinian 'leader' Mahmoud Abbas is moving closer to asking the United Nations to recognize the territory his faction controls as a member, which would legitimize the Palestinian areas as a sovereign country.  My guess is that any resolution that creates a country of "Palestine" will call on Israel to give up territory in order to give the new country a contiguous hunk of dirt to squat on.

Personally, I hope that he doesn't get what he wants.  The Palestinians and those who fight in their name have been nothing but brigands for the past 40 years.  I am under no illusions that a new government would degenerate into a Hamas stronghold very quickly.

But for the moment, let's say that Obama backs down on his implied threat to veto any Security Council motion to grant statehood to something called Palestine.  Let's assume that he does it as a lame duck president with nothing to lose.

As your vice-president, I would urge the President to  issue a statement re-affirming our nations long standing commitment to Israel.  Israel is a democracy in a sea of demagogues and dictators.  When asked where I stand with Israel, I will say that I stand at their border, with a regiment of Marines behind me.

We would also make it clear to the Palestinians that if they want to sit at the grown-up table, they need to act like grown-ups.  Rockets or artillery launched at Israel would be considered an act of war, and we will support Israel when they decide to stomp a mudhole in a Palestinian backside over it.  The same would go for suicide bombers.   A real country takes responsibility for the criminal acts of its citizens against other countries.  We would also support Israel if she decides to seal her border with Palestine to protect her citizens.

We would also resist any calls to force Israel to give up territory for the new Palestine.  If Palestine wants land, let them either buy or conquer it.  Israel should not give one inch under pressure.

We would cut off all funding to the Palestinians immediately.  If the Arab street wants a Palestinian homeland, let them pay for it.  We would also hold Palestine responsible for the actions of groups that it supports or funds.  If you provide support to terrorist groups that try to kill Americans, don't be surprised if you wake up dead from an airstrike one morning.

In short, if the Palestinians want to declare statehood, they should do so without our aid and knowing that we favor the democracy of Israel over the despotism of the Palestinian Authority and Hamas.  Let them sink or swim, and let them deal with the consequences of continuing to commit terrorism against Israel.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Thought for the Day

Some days you eat the thresh.
Other days the threshkeen eats you.

When seconds count

There's a cliche in the gun rights/personal security community:  "When seconds count, the police are only minutes away". 

For a group of people in Minneapolis, it could have read "the police are only a few feet away". 

A group of friends leave a club, are accosted by a group of 'youths', and a fight starts when the men in the group stand up to protect the ladies.  One of the ladies runs to a police station that is 30 feet away for help, and is rebuffed.  One of the men who got his head beaten upon goes to the same station, and is chased out by the police.  Read that again.  A citizen, bleeding from a beating he received within spitting distance of a police station, goes there to ask for assistance, and is forcefully ejected from the building. 

The excuse from the Minneapolis police seems to be "We were busy that night".  I've been in downtown Minneapolis. The police are always busy there.  I guess this means that there's always something better for the police to do than to stop the savage beating of law-abiding citizens at the hands of a pack of 'youths' within eyesight of the police station.

People, if you're looking for an example of why you should carry a gun when confronted by an anti, here you go.  Three men got jumped on by 10 'youths' and got bloodied.  If one of them or one of the ladies with them had been carrying a pistol that night, the situation would have ended quite differently.  If the animals that attacked them had been just a little more adamant about delivering a curb stomping, someone could have easily gone to the morgue. 

Be responsible for yourself.  Carry your gun. Carry a knife.  Use your tools, your hands, your feet, your teeth, a loose piece of paving, anything to defend yourself.   Make it hard for EMS to tell where your blood starts and your assailant's blood ends. 

The police are under no obligation to protect you.  They are there to draw white lines around your body, take a report, and 'try' to bring criminals to justice.  Even if you could carry around a cop, nothing is going to get him to stop an attack on you and yours unless it's a personal priority for him.  No-one in his chain of command will fault him for not intervening to keep you out of the hospital or the morgue.

H/T to Radley Balko on this one.

Earworm for 6 Bells

Avast, ye scurvy dogs!  Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day!  Here be a couple of shanties from one of me favorite movies to get stuck betwist yer ears!

Remember the rules me hearties:

  • Cuss like a sailor!
  • Drink like a fish!
  • Talk like a pirate!

Yar!  Now get back to work, ye filthy dogs, err I keelhaul the lot of ya!
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